This Fall, I have learned:
- I am not in control
- I am small
- I am fragile
- So is every person I love
I have learned:
- I was never meant to be the photographer at church events or photographing a baby in a field
- I do not know what that means for my camera and me
I have learned to let go. I have learned to surrender and relax in to life. I have learned to grab on to what I can while it is still here, and release it when it is gone.
I have learned that I am very often misunderstood, and that is okay.
I have learned that becoming a wife and mother did not change me as much as I thought it did.
I have learned there is nothing I want that I do not have; it is useless to pine for things out of my reach when there is so much beauty around me. I have learned to soak in the little things. I have learned to be content, even in pain.
I have learned that giving can be both painful and rewarding. I have learned I have no regrets. I see God's purpose in all that is behind me; I see His timing and His hand as they shaped and healed me over the years.
I am thankful for today, and that so far it is a peaceful one.
I will be shutting down my web site this month. My Facebook page and this blog may not be far behind. Making my photography public has added stress to my life. This fall, I have been reminded of what a private person I am at my core. It is time for me to remember why I loved photography in the first place, and to do it just for me.
It is time for me to stop being concerned about the opinions of others, and to live my life as honestly as I know how, being at peace in my core, no matter what trials come.
I have learned that life is fleeting. We are all a breathe. In and out. We all have our turn.
I have learned that it is all well with me. There is no justice in hate, anger, fear or worrying. There is nothing I control but me; and I am at peace with that, too.
I have let go, and I have learned that it feels good to do so.