Forever Changed

I am struggling to name this post, as I sit here listening to my children fight up stairs. Words have been running through my head all day--or maybe longer.

Yesterday Jill said to me, "It's amazing the affect he's had on people," as we sat side by side, watching him sleep in his crib. At that time, the words hadn't come yet. So I nodded. And I listened for a minute. Then said something that was most likely out of place; probably the wrong thing to say.


I've found myself thinking lately, even when I don't have time to, and I think about little "Joshie" more than anything else. Lately, everything comes back to him. The words I was looking for yesterday that I could not find there, sitting next to Jill who was sitting in Big Blue, were: Joshua has changed everything for me.

His affect on me, and so many others, has been profound.

Every day, I am thankful for things I took for granted before. I look at my babies, and it seems unreal to me that we were fortunate enough to bring them home from the hospital with us, and that they have never had any reason to return. I think about my heart, my brother's heart, my husband's heart, my parents' hearts while I am driving or doing the dishes and I praise God that none of them have had any issues.

I pass children in a store and I think, "What a miracle you are."

What a miracle we all are.

Since meeting Joshua, every minute of every day, I feel blessed. I feel fragile. I feel at peace with life in a way I never have before because I am realizing how precious it is and that none of us are entitled to anything. But we are all given gifts, and we need to treasure what we have.


I think about Jill throughout the day, when I'm feeding my kids or changing my two year old's diaper and I think, "Jill didn't get to do this today." Instead of feeling like it is a chore, I feel thankful that at least for today, I have been allowed to care for my children and that we are able to be together as a family.

I look at this tiny baby boy, and I think of all of the tears that have been shed for him. I think of all the voices that have called out to God. Who knows? Maybe those people hadn't connected with God in years--maybe some even connected with God in tears on their knees for the first time in their lives. I think of the testimony that he will share with others some day, and that his mom is sharing with thousands every day right now.


I think of the doctors that are saying, "We don't know how he is still here. This is a miracle."


What a purpose baby Joshua has served!


I don't know that I have ever felt God in a situation like I have in Joshua's. I am flooded by his presence every time Joshua comes to mind, and I am overwhelmed with the depth of this situation on a physical, spiritual, and emotional level.


After saying all this, still I know there are no words.


So I will continue to pray for Jill and all of the other Heart Families I have read about through her blog and...

I will live each day, forever changed.




Jill, I know you are breathing in and breathing out right now. I know that every day is a balancing act, and each moment is a new challenge. I know it doesn't feel beautiful to you, but beauty is coming of it. Thank you for your faithful service to our God, as a daughter, a mother, and a wife. You amaze me every day. I am proud to call you my friend, and I love you.


-Molly