Friday, September 24, 2010

Forever Changed

I am struggling to name this post, as I sit here listening to my children fight up stairs. Words have been running through my head all day--or maybe longer.

Yesterday Jill said to me, "It's amazing the affect he's had on people," as we sat side by side, watching him sleep in his crib. At that time, the words hadn't come yet. So I nodded. And I listened for a minute. Then said something that was most likely out of place; probably the wrong thing to say.

I've found myself thinking lately, even when I don't have time to, and I think about little "Joshie" more than anything else. Lately, everything comes back to him. The words I was looking for yesterday that I could not find there, sitting next to Jill who was sitting in Big Blue, were: Joshua has changed everything for me.

His affect on me, and so many others, has been profound.

Every day, I am thankful for things I took for granted before. I look at my babies, and it seems unreal to me that we were fortunate enough to bring them home from the hospital with us, and that they have never had any reason to return. I think about my heart, my brother's heart, my husband's heart, my parents' hearts while I am driving or doing the dishes and I praise God that none of them have had any issues.

I pass children in a store and I think, "What a miracle you are."

What a miracle we all are.

Since meeting Joshua, every minute of every day, I feel blessed. I feel fragile. I feel at peace with life in a way I never have before because I am realizing how precious it is and that none of us are entitled to anything. But we are all given gifts, and we need to treasure what we have.

I think about Jill throughout the day, when I'm feeding my kids or changing my two year old's diaper and I think, "Jill didn't get to do this today." Instead of feeling like it is a chore, I feel thankful that at least for today, I have been allowed to care for my children and that we are able to be together as a family.

I look at this tiny baby boy, and I think of all of the tears that have been shed for him. I think of all the voices that have called out to God. Who knows? Maybe those people hadn't connected with God in years--maybe some even connected with God in tears on their knees for the first time in their lives. I think of the testimony that he will share with others some day, and that his mom is sharing with thousands every day right now.

I think of the doctors that are saying, "We don't know how he is still here. This is a miracle."

What a purpose baby Joshua has served!

I don't know that I have ever felt God in a situation like I have in Joshua's. I am flooded by his presence every time Joshua comes to mind, and I am overwhelmed with the depth of this situation on a physical, spiritual, and emotional level.

After saying all this, still I know there are no words.

So I will continue to pray for Jill and all of the other Heart Families I have read about through her blog and...

I will live each day, forever changed.

Jill, I know you are breathing in and breathing out right now. I know that every day is a balancing act, and each moment is a new challenge. I know it doesn't feel beautiful to you, but beauty is coming of it. Thank you for your faithful service to our God, as a daughter, a mother, and a wife. You amaze me every day. I am proud to call you my friend, and I love you.



  1. What a precious little man Joshua is! Truly amazing how God uses every event to teach and touch us. Molly, I could not agree more after walking these similar steps with my own husband this year to appreciate him, our children and life more than ever.
    Continuing to pray for Joshua and his family.

  2. He's beautiful. Such a precious reminder of how special and wonderful the gift of life is. I thank God for my Tillie everyday.

    Thanks for this post Molly. I'll be praying for Joshua.

  3. Thanks Molly, I just cried like a baby, as I do many times a day when I think of sweet Joshua also. The photos are phenomenal, as usual.

  4. you have no words? I have no words. Just tears.

  5. You have expressed so much of what I am feeling. Thank you! Very grateful I crossed paths with Jill and have the honor of getting to know Mr. Joshua.

  6. WOW...what a precious post and Jill and Joshua are lucky to have you as a friend. I cried through this post because life changes when you have a heart baby and join the heart community. You realize every second of every hour of every day is a miracle and blessing. God has shown us miracles that I never thought possible. Thank you for expressing feelings so many people have and can't express so eloquently.

  7. You (and her story) have rendered me speechless. Miracle is right. Absolute miracle. I pray Joshua is able to grow up and share his story with many others.

  8. Beautiful a heart mom we have days where we feel exactly the same way you were able to capture. The essence that listening to kids fight over a toy or just change a crying baby's diaper-how ordinary those things seem on the surface and how precious they are to a parent with a sick child.

  9. Yes, indeed Molly. This situation will be used by our Mighty Creator. He is bigger than all of this and your words were touching! Thank you for the insightful update you bring with your pictures too.

  10. For not having the words, that is SO PERFECTLY said.

    Thank you for sharing your heart... about his.

    And these photos are just stunning.

  11. Jill and I have never met in person...we've been "internet friends" for many years. I find my thoughts wandering to her, Joshua, and their family many times a day. Jill is amazing to me--I've never had much of a relationship with God, have always questioned his existence, and think I would take this situation much differently than she does. Her strong, unwavering faith and her willingness to put it all in God's hands is so inspiring to me. I think in following her story as well as Joshua's, I have come to find God in my own way. I know He exists now, because Joshua is here with us. He is one of God's greatest miracles. All children are, but Joshua especially. You did such a wonderful job in capturing his beauty in these pictures. I'm praying for him every single day.

  12. This was a beautiful post and so true. Everyone has a purpose, and no matter how small, no matter how injured, no matter how weak we may be, there is a purpose for each of us. Baby Josh is a testimony to that fact. I am reminded of this every day with my own "special" child and when I think about it - REALLY think about it - the world becomes a more beautiful place, full of miracles. Thank you to Molly and Jill and baby Josh for making my world more beautiful and for making me stop and notice the miracles in my life.